Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
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anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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