don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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