Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
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you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
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The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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