It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize