Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize