you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
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I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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