One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
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We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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