Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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