No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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