don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize