You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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