ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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