The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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