Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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