he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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