did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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