Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
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Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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