I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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