I accidentally burped into my bong.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
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either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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