my mouth tastes like poor choices
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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