one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
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I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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