When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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