He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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