I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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