Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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