fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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