My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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