I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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