What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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