I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize