this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
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My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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