Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize