All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
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I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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