also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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