my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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