What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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