I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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