if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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