I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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