you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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