even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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