i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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