the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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