that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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