okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
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Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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