apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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