in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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