Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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