You made me cry and you don't even care
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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