We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
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Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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